Body and Mind, Image and Self

Two Years ago, just a few days ago, I posted the following note on Sheroes. While it is no longer on Sheroes, it is still true in its essence.
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I share this website with more than 1400 females - girls, young ladies, women - those who are sure of who they are and where they are going, and those who are less sure...

I am among you, though, in some ways, I am not one of you. I enjoy and appreciate the society of which I am a part here.

I have some thoughts, some feelings, some reflections to share:

Many of you, I dare say the majority of you do not believe that you are attractive. You do not believe that you are bright. You do not believe that there is something special or wonderful about yourselves.

You believe this because of the messages you receive - from TV, or the movies or magazines. You get your messages from teachers, or age mates, or peers. Maybe these beliefs arise from your boyfriends or girlfriends. But in many ways, it does not matter where you have learned these lessons - learn them you have. And, to read Sheroes, you have learned them well.

It is not true.
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You are not ugly. You are not stupid. You are not worthless.
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I have listened to your discussions on beauty, your disparagement of societal models - and then read as you express disbelief in your own attractiveness.

I have heard you criticize the standard devices for measuring aptitude - tests and school work - and then knock your own intelligence and suggest that you are dumb.

I have seen you bolster up one of your fellow sheroes who is feeling down on her self, insisting on her worth and value - and then proceed to treat yourself worse than she had just treated herself.
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You are - each and every one of you - a valuable, intelligent, and beautiful person.

Are you fashion models? Probably not most of you. So what? You are a lot more attractive than you seem to think - and PART of that attractiveness is your ability and willingness to THINK! and to ACTIVELY FEEL!

Are you Einsteins? Probably, on average, the members of this group are a whole lot closer to that than the population in general, but mostly, again, no. But you are bright. You read, you think, you form ideas and debate their merits. Bright and "good at school" do not always go hand in hand - but do not think that you are stupid. You are not. (And I hear the ones of you who, reading this, think, "Well, he DOESN'T know me, so this isn't really addressing MY stupidity, which is unassailable." Wrong - I ESPECIALLY mean you.)

Worthless? If I could have the average member of government care or think half as much as the average member of sheroes, I would be thrilled. If the average citizen would care about his or her fellow citizen as much as you, members in a community of relative strangers, care for your fellows, the world would be moving on the right path.

If you do not understand what I am saying here, then look at the flow of posts from yesterday and today, alone. These, by themselves, tell a story. Two members posted: one in agony over the feelings of being a bad person, a bad friend, a user of this group; the second in doubt about the worth of her own life. But the first's agony was over not feeling up to meeting a friend's pain, of fulfilling a need.

And the second replied to the first: You have helped me. Please allow me to help you.

The goodness inherent in just this simple act, this simple exchange is AMAZING!

And it is repeated here almost every day, to one extent or another.

Who has NOT sprung to defend a friend? Or would not - and if you have not, don't doubt yourself. Know that there are things that move each of us - and those things are not, can not be the same for each of us.
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You must learn to define yourselves. You must learn to reject the image of yoursleves as less than you are. See yourselves as the worthwhile beings that you show the rest of us that you are!!!

I am honored to be in your company!
Please honor yourself as you deserve - and if you find that you can't, just ask and the rest of us WILL honor you.