Understanding

In extended dialogue with a friend, I found myself reflecting on the dichotomies we face in ourselves on a regular basis. The reflection did not bring to me any great new wisdom, more's the pity. But it did bring me back to an older discovery, one I believe to have at least some element of truth to it.

There are two elements that, as far as I can tell, all humans have in common:

1) The fear of not being understood, and

2) The fear of being understood.

If we are not understood, we feel isolated and alone. With no connection to others, there is a conviction that there is something wrong withus, or, at best, that even if there is nothing wrong withus, we will live forever in that state of isolation.

If we are understood, we feel vulnerable and at risk. The more somebody gets about us, the easier it is to hurt us. So, we strive to keep secret our inner selves.

How we balance and deal with these two fears determines much of our life with regard to other people. Whom do we let in, how, and why? How far in can they come? What could or would change our minds, either for greater access or for restrictions of that access?

I hope you don't understand what I mean...